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I (Almost) Spent My Weekend With a Juuler

I’m not one to follow the herd and become a victim of the fad of the month. I’ve never played Fortnite, I have never said “What are those” or “Damn Daniel,” and I certainly never cared about stopping Kony in 2012. However, there comes a time in every man’s life where they have had too much to drink at that particular time and they end up making decisions they later regret.

Some of these decisions are pretty severe and can have harsh repercussions like murder and the subsequent loss of freedom. Others aren’t as life changing but certainly will shift how people view you as a person. An example of this would be starting fights everywhere you go; nothing too serious that will result in jail, but your friends will think twice before they call you next time.

Then of course there are things we do when we are drunk that only will affect how we view ourselves. You know those things that, as you look back and as your night replaying blackout moments in your head like a Flickr movie, and all you can do is cringe because of the second hand awkwardness that you experiences first hand but didn’t remember. Those are the worst. I call these the early morning Sunday Scaries because that seems to be my trend.

Anyway, I did something this weekend that didn’t really fit into any of these categories. I smoked a Juul.

I am not sitting here trying to say I am better than you because I have never smoked a Juul before. Its probably only because of just who I am generally speaking, Juul or no Juul I can’t help who I am. But anyway as I lifted that thin black flash drive to my mouth all I could think about was impressing the girl with us by smoking a Juul. Now, is it childish to do something out of your ordinary to impress a girl? No. In fact its quite mature and I recommend it to anyone trying to capture the opposite sex’s attention. I personally didn’t think it was cool to smoke a Juul, but from her professional like ‘rip’ as they call it, I had to prove my worth.

As it got to my mouth a cloud of smoke cascaded my mouth to the brink, something as you would see in movies when a bomb goes off in a building. It was sooo much smoke. Too much smoke. I didn’t want no smoke (as the rappers say) so I coughed and gagged embarrassingly loud and she left.


I learned something this past weekend. Impressing girls is worth it if you know what your doing. But more importantly, the moral of the story is that I enjoyed the Juul. Once my throat and lungs settled, I was able to calm myself and learn to smoke the thing like a real millennial. I may have missed out on an opportunity to get laid and potentially meet my wife, but I didn’t miss out on the opportunity to sign myself up for an addiction that will cost me money I certainly do not have.


Comedy, Life, Random


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