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Top 10 People Who Make Me Feel Like A Piece of Shit

I recently had a birthday. I turned 24. I normally get a little emotional and sentimental around birthdays, but I just didn’t care at all this year. I don’t know why. Most likely it’s because I am a 24 year old unemployed college graduate who still lives at home with his parents while pursuing his dreams. So, like what is time anyway?

Anyway every couple hours or so I get reminded about the success, mainly monetarily, of those who are my age or younger and it blows my mind. I mean I am 24 years old, if I lived in the 1920’s I would be almost dead with 3 kids. But in 2018, I am a millennial who is single and has to sneak in jerking off on the rare occasion I am the only one home. To each is own.

To commemorate my birthday I wanted to make a Top 10 list of people my age or younger who are doing better me and make me drop my jaw when I see they are younger than me. Obviously I am at an age where there are A TON of athletes younger than 24, but there is that occasional athlete that feels like he has been in the league for 15 years and has an extremely bright future, then I find out he is 23. This isn’t limited to money but a lot to do with life status.

This is mainly going to be sports because thats what I know but I will search high and low out there. Inheritance doesn’t count either, you need to be self made here because anyone could be born into wealth.

10.Connor McDavid/ Auston Matthews: Age: 21/21

Twenty One years old! Seems like yesterday these guys were skating out of theirs mum’s vag. These guys weren’t even allowed to go to the bars last year after their games and both of them are considered to be two of the best in the NHL. I am not the biggest hockey fan in the world, hence why they are 10, but I respect greatness and great they are. Destined to have great careers unless fat unemployed 24 year old bloggers jinx them.


9. Francisco Lindor: Age: 24

One of the best ‘underrated’ players in baseball, the man has been a stud for two years in the league. It feels as though he came up after the guy below although being almost a year older, however I do think Lindor is better than Correa. Regardless he has an extremely bright future with what looks to be like a very good team in Cleveland.


8. Carlos Correa: Age: 23

If you were reading my last analysis on Lindor, you would know that I think he is better than Correa and I stand by that, however Correa is no joke either. He is obviously going to have a tremendous career as well. He already has a ring and most likely has an MVP in his future. His only blemish, being engaged. As I’m sure we all saw he proposed to his GF after the 2017 World Series at 23, which is about 10 years to early. Divorce? I’d say so.


7. Saquon Barkley: Age: 21

This may be biased as a Giants fan, but WOW. This guys is very obviously going to be special. He is already drawing comparisons to Ladainian Tomlinson, Barry Sanders, Walter Payton… you name it. The kid is a stud and as I heard Jesse Palmer say this morning, he looks like a hall of famer. Not only that but he just had his first child with one of the best looking girls I have ever seen, who is NOT his wife… take notes Carlos. As soon as we can get a Quarterback who can throw, he will start winning. Only reason he is #7 and not higher is he has only been a pro for 5 weeks.


6. Christian Pulisic: Age: 21

Not a huge soccer fan by any stretch of the imagination, but being an international soccer superstar, you know you are on the path to millions. Soccer is the most popular sport in the world and Christian making a name for himself this young is guaranteeing him anything he wants in the future. Money, girls, etc. Christian wants it? He’ll get it. With the revival of US Soccer inevitably coming, he will for sure be the face of that rise and his bank account will see a subsequent rise.


5. Jordan Spieth/Justin Thomas: Age: 25/25

Hand up. I know I said I would make the list of people younger than me and when I put these two on, I though they were. Turns out they both just turned 25 but guess what, I am keeping them on. I know not a ton of people like golf, but I do and for those TWO reasons and me being the writer/editor of the blog I am keeping them on. Both of them will see fame and success in the gold world making their millions, but the best part about golf is they can ply for like 70 years, so get used to hearing their names for the next century.


4. Lil Pump/Shawn Mendes: Age: 18/20

Wanted to just clump the two musicians here, who are not as well known as the top dog on this list. The only reasons these guys are on this list is because I just imagine the amount of girls they are getting at their ages, with their respectable careers, all around the world and it just blows my mind. I have to try really really hard every weekend to get a girl to talk to me and these guys with their bank account and musical success can have their body guards summon whomever they please. I just imagine they live the life.

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3.Sam Darnold: Age: 21

As a Giants fan, this stings to put this guy higher than him given the only reason I have him on the list is because he is in NY. However, here is my reasoning: He is a QB and QB’s will last almost double as long in the league than RB’s, especially in today’s soft world. So being a young, single, decently good looking QB who seems to have everything together and can potentially turn around a terrible franchise, has it perks. Sammy D is going to be a name in NY for a while and will run this city in a matter of time.


2.Jared Goff: Age: 24

The only place better than NYC to be a young, attractive, rice, NFL quarterback is LA and Jared Goff has that. He is the QB on the best team in the NFL, and that alone makes him one of the most famous people in the world. But then being in LA, surrounded by movies, TV, actresses, models, etc… this guy has it made



1. Justin Bieber: Age: 24

Still blows my mind when I find out I am as old as Justin Bieber, the guy has been famous for almost as long as I have been alive. It’s crazy to think of all that he has gone through and has come out of the other side really without a scratch. I mean the kid had a net worth of about $200M at age 18, that is pretty crazy that he isn’t in jail or anything like that. He is a stud and people hate on him, but he will forever be a stud. I know he is engaged to Hailey Baldwin, an absolute smoke, but I think we all know they are really just dating, meaning it could break off at any point. The man is the king of Hollywood and can and does do whatever he wants.



So there you have it, my list of people who are crushing it in life, while I sit here and write this blog on my parents couch as a fat unemployed loser. Hope this inspires you guys to go become a professional athlete or singer!



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