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I Hate New Years

New Years…yay!!

I used to think that but then this happened one year: “Hey Tim want to go out to the bar tonight?” says my friends who asks me to hang out too much. I thought ‘Dude, were not that close, don’t you have any other friends?’ I said yes, but more by guilt. “Ohh awesome, just another day where we stay up late and go out for a night of drinking? Yeah I am definitely in”  I mean whats better than being at bar and wrestling with my insecurities trying to muster up enough courage to go talk to the hot girl at the bar. I envision our life together. “Maddi Hoehn” doesn’t sound great, but it’s something we could work with.

Ohh what’s that? You have to pay $120 for a cover to wait online to get into a crowded bar where the prices are gouged?! PASS

Who the fuck invented New Years anyway? The Mayans? Well we know that they don’t know what they are talking about when it comes to calendars at all. It’s about 6.5 years since 2012 and I am still here, so good prediction ‘entire group of people.’ Seriously, I don’t get the calendar. It’s literally just a timeline that people made up and now we are living in that construct of a world. They didn’t even do it right, why is winter the end of one year and the start of the next. I don’t have any power to do this, but if I created the calendar I would put the the Winter Solstice on January 1? 4 seasons 3 months each, start it January 1. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Also what the fuck is a month? Who cares if it’s October or September they are all just days.


This is the crazy, hypothetical, ‘question everything,’ conspiracy type shit I think of when I am high. Like why the fuck is a chair called a chair, who started that? Why isn’t it called a marble or vice versa? (That is my apology for this post.)

What I don’t love about this particular day is that we wait all year for this night as if it’s not exactly like any other night. People just need a reason to act stupid as opposed to just saying I want to get drunk… just do that! Much more respectable not being fake. As I said, we pay way more than necessary, to wait in line just to drink. Why? Because it’s going to turn 12 o’clock tonight and we will count down the last 10 seconds as a bar? We wait for 12 like we haven’t done stayed up ’til 2 or 3 every night of the year. We never say on a random Friday night at 12:01 “It’s Saturday!” but for whatever reason on this particular night we wait up until 12:00 just to say it’s the new year and then kiss your fat girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, husband whatever or feel totally alone and embarrassed.

Either way, I am not a huge fan of these dumb holidays and New Years Eve to me is just another day. It’s like when you see people you should respect, such as your boss and you think ‘why? It’s just another guy.’ He’s just like you and me, you don’t need treat him like a god. He’s a dude who poops and jerks off, just like you and me. This is just a day but mainstream America turns it into something wayyyy bigger than it needs to be. Romanticizing everything, like Michael Scott.



Happy New Year!


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