Skip to content

Is Mike Trout the Biggest Cuck of All Time?

A couple weeks ago I got the notification on my phone while withering at way at my boring sales job. Manny Machado to the Padres! 10 Years- $300 Mil…clearly a move for the money because Padres are more known for hanging out at Home Depot in the early morning as opposed to winning Championships. A move that hasn’t really happened, in terms of the athlete just saying, “Yeah I want money” from what I can remember. At least in baseball. I think most athletes put on this facade, or image to make it seemed like they signed with a team to win but we all just saw right through. Manny comes around, signs the biggest contract of all time, so of course Bryce Harper and Scott Boras sat back in their lair, gleaming with excitement as they knew the number to beat.

I am a huge Bryce Harper guy, but of course all he wanted to do was have the highest contract ever going into the season, so that is what could be talked about throughout 2019. Then it happened a couple days later. 13 Years, $330 Million. You did it Bryce, horrible deal IMO, but you did it. Happy? I am sure you were until Yesterday. You know he was riding high that week. A man obsessed with his image, just perfected it.


Then comes little Mikey Trout, a quiet star, the biggest name no body knows. As a baseball guy myself I am very aware of how good Mike Trout is as a baseball player, but to the average American, they have no clue. In a world run by social media, content is king, and Trout is not that. He’s boring, quiet, reserved, calm, etc. he just also happens to be the best player by a long shot, and possibly the best player of all time.

Mike has been criticized for his lack of ‘coolness,’ (his Q factor if you’re in the biz) by many people including MLB’s gap toothed commission, Rob Manfred a few years back.

“Mike has made decisions on what he wants to do, doesn’t want to do, how he wants to spend his free time or not spend his free time,” Manfred told Gabe Jacques of USA Today. “I think we could help him make his brand very big. But he has to make a decision to engage. It takes time and effort.”

Alright Rob, maybe you should go to the orthodontist, before you criticize your best players Social Media skills.

Flash forward to yesterday: Mike Trout’s contract was not up for another 2 years. He had this year in 2019 and next before he became a free agent. But like quiet superstars do, he reminded everyone who the best is. 12 Years- $430 Mill!!!!!!!

One year less than Harper, $100 Million more. Whoops!


You know Bryce is freaking out right now. Sure, he just got paid $330, but he is so pissed. He was the highest paid player in baseball for what 2 weeks? Any schmuck could do that.  Bryce cares about his image like a man in love cares about his wife. Trout took that wife, had consensual sex forcing Harper to watch, then handed her back to Bryce and said, I’m good now.

It’s over, this was the coldest move I have seen in baseball ever. NBA is a petty league, the NFL is a big news league, baseball was just a gentlemen game. I think the times have changed, this was signed with an agenda. I love it. It will go relatively unnoticed too by the way. Most people don’t even know who Trout is let alone see that he signed this contract, but I know. Boras and Harper know. Trout definitely knows.

So tip of the cap to you, Mr. $430


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: